Elkfest 2003

Custard deposits found

Staff Reporter
in Widdington

It's all my faultThank you Mr Fish.  At long last he produced the goods and provided the Elkfest with a sunny weekend.  It doesn't take that much effort - does it Michael?

Anyway, in the absence of copy from Bob Kayak Bob, it falls upon the humble staff reporter to report on ELkfest 2003.  Unfortunately, something appears to have eaten half of my notebook, so apologies for any inaccuracies - it's totally normal. 


Open the beerThe now traditional Friday night film was something starring that awfully good, or was it just awful, actor, Arnie Swatshisname. Most entertaining.

More interesting was the use of the hammer by Professor Bailey in opening the beer. After testing it out on a bottle he was slightly more successful on the barrel.  The Nethergate Sheep's Eye was delicious, but I'm not sure the vegetarians were best pleased (or the sheep).


The Lodge PorterThis year's cabaret was particularly noticeable for the non-appearance of Samantha to keep everything flowing.  However, Hayden stepped into the MC role and introduced us to Fame Elkademy.  Not only would there be cabaret, but also post-cabaret interviews.  Whoa! Four Goatees Reprise

The Lodge Porter opened proceedings by bumbling his way through a speech about double glazing executives.  Riveting stuff.  Do double glazers use rivets?

This was swiftly followed by a reprise of the four goatees.  Now some say that you shouldn't attempt sequels and I totally agree.  The Four Goatees obviously don't.  Just what was it all about?  Doe an elk, a female elk?  The best bit was the lighteningly swift exit of the goatee with the wind chimes - sublime!


The Railway Children and Abe LincolnA debut performance of the Railway Children (extract only) was next up complete with an Abraham Lincoln lookalike.  The overall effect was so realistic, right down to the late running train sound effect.  It was lucky that there were no engineering works at the time.


Elkland for everAh at last. Some culture. After last year's successful readings, the resident librarian returned to provide some well chosen words.  I quote:

"Once more unto Elkfest, dear friends, once more,
Or close the new gate up with our elk brain dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes Samantha
As modest stillness and humility,
But when the blast of Elkfest bows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the moose."

Enough to stir your antlers...


Large violin

Now the cabaret was really getting interesting.  A wonderful interlude by a chap called Tum (or was it Tim, I couldn't quite hear from the bar) with a large violin.  It was a shame he couldn't get it under his chin, but he did well, nevertheless.  He performed a strange version of a number by a strange band called King Crimson.  I'll have to enquire of my colleagues in the music section of the Widdington Evening Moose what this is all about. 


Song and dance preparationSong and dance in actionFinally, the last act, at the end  concluded the cabaret.  Two women and a man - or was it?  Well whatever they were, a most entertaining song and dance routine from Cabaret that had the crowd falling about.  Or was that the beer?  It was later alleged that Phil, Hayden and Cat were responsible for misappropriating various items of clothing and bedding for this lavish production. Well it worked for me sweetie!



This year's Elkfest dispensed with the usual radio play/pantomime and elected to go for a number of dubious games organised by Phil and Hayden.  I shall refrain from describing them in detail (OK so your intrepid reporter had had too much to drink by this time) but I must mention the custard or rather the protective clothing used in order to prevent the custard reaching the parts of the body that should not normally be reached by custard (phew - what a long sentence).  It was the highlight of my evening watching two members of Crimson Shadow being forced into dresses and rubber gloves on the pretence that they were going to get covered in custard.  Get real.  This sort of thing doesn't happen in Widdington. Does it?  Well it did!

Chris gets searched for stickers Simon dance for points custard preparations

Even the ghosts appeared

Question time Colin prays for help Loo and Linda look on ....


Crimson Shadow

How can an Elkfest go by without Crimson Shadow? It can't - so it didn't.  Every year they turn up uninvited and every year they perform the same old stuff - except this year they didn't.  Well, yes, they turned up uninvited, and there was a lot of our favourite songs like Mustang Sally, Love Shack, Midnight Blues, etc. but there were also new ones like Brass in Pocket, Weather With You and a fabulous punk version of I'm A Believer.  This, combined with a new line-up, ditching the backing tapes for live musicians (so they claimed), gave us the new Crimson Shadow.  Cool (well it was well gone midnight when they finished).  "More" cried the crowd at the end.  I'm sure there will be.

Crimson Shadow - Phil and Tom
Crimson Shadow - Cat Crimson Shadow - Andy

Crimson Shadow - Paul




This report of Elkfest 2003 was reproduced in full from the Widdington Evening Moose without any permission whatsoever, i.e. we nicked it.


If you're lost, click here to get home